Okay so my life at this point in time is this constant blah feeling in my stomach. Especially at late hours of the day or early…depending on how you look at things. Point is, it’s three am. And I have this blah feeling in my stomach..a large part of it is hunger, and finals, and lastly just everything. Like college. I want to do it, and give it my alll. And stop letting everyone day. Basically everyone thinks i’m incapable of succeeding.. At anything. I can’t drive well, I don’t do well in school, I can’t sing well, I can’t cook many things, i’m not even that great of a teacher…I think I read way too fast.
I just sometimes want the feeling to go away. I want to feel like I did something right. But I realized that I will always be wrong in someone’s eyes. Whether it be my parents, my sisters, society, whatever. I can’t please everybody so why let it bug me. It’s usually enough for me just to know i’m doing the right thing for myself, and in terms of the Religion. But for some reason recently it bugs me. It bugs me that I’ve failed five classes in college, and that i’m now partially paying for school, and i’m complaining..I knoa it’s horrible and usually accomplishes nothing. Okay, just a few more things that bug me. My face, it’s like blah and ew…from my braces, to acne, to the fact that i’m missing a few lashes. It’s just not easy for me to look at my face and think woah I look nice. Oh and i’m terrified to drive yeah, big woop. I’m scared everyone is right. So because i’m afraid I basically stay home all day everyday. But that’s not the most horrible thing to me. I don’t see much wrong with it…like where do I need to go that’s so important? The mall…a restaurant. Let’s be real. I just get bothered because people treat me and look at me as though I am weak because I can’t drive. And I don’t think it makes me weak. I just think it’s not something I find a priority. I wish I lived in a state where it was okay to walk places. Hmm okay. I’ll stop with the complaining and try to look at positive stuff now :D. I am Muslim. Woo! Done. Jk there’s more. Umm I am really glad I have all my limbs and I have common sense. Mhm. And oh one more thing to comllain about. My lack of great friendships. I have a tight group of people I would call friends. I talk to very few people on a daily basis. But that’s just dandy. I’m okay. I get to focus on Religion and improving myself. This summer is going to be special. And I think the most significant part is Rami coming back. Because it feels like ever since he left a lot of stuff has crumbled to the ground. And although we were never really close, I could hit him up if I had a problem. So yes I am really looking forward to his return. And then there is camp, and learning Arabic, and maybe getting tone. My legs are a tad bit blah. But eh. My body is not one of my complaints. I’m not trying very hard to impress anybody. (this might explain why i’m alone) I think guys only like girls who are independent and can do stuff and have an education nowadays. And I just don’t have that going for me. It seems very likely that I will attempt a degree and probably fail miserably and end up working in a cell phone store the rest of my life. I think I’ll stop rambling now. It’s been like twenty minutes and I didn’t really get to any points…but my eyes are starting to droop and I don’t want to make this any longer for the tons of people who are going to read it. Okay great chat..
Inspired by Worthington Libraries: Blind Date with a Book!
We started with ~40 books. Two hours later, all but four had found homes with library patrons (sorry, Flush, Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, Persepolis, and The Things They Carried, they don’t know what they’re missing).
Now, to send forth a new fleet of exciting books into student arms. Whew!
It’s a book mark that marks your spot in the book.